1. Find Out What He’s Upset About
There isn’t much you can do about the issue if you do not know what it is. Wait until you are calm before asking because your tone could easily set him off even more. When you feel as if the time is right, ask him if something is bothering him. If it’s clearly something you have done, you should sort through your actions and apologize.
2. Give Him The Space And Time He Needs
Sometimes, your boyfriend just needs to cool off. When this is the case, respect his boundaries. If you don’t, he may say or do something that both of you regret. For example, if you pressure him to make a decision on the subject now, he may decide that he’s mad enough to end the relationship with you.
If that’s something you do not want, you should give him what he needs when he needs it and not push him over the edge. I’ve been around plenty of guys who I’ve demanded answers from, and it did not end well. They usually got madder and decided if I needed an answer right then, it would be the end of the relationship. It’s not recommended.
It’s always a good idea to say you are sorry when you are in the wrong. Often, even if you aren’t technically wrong, no harm comes from saying, “I’m sorry.” What have you really lost – a few words, a little bit of your pride? Which is more important to you?
4. Take A Break
If things have been bad in your relationship for a while now, it may be time for the two of you to have some time away from each other. This way, you can regroup and get in touch with what really matters. You may discover that you are better off as friends.
5. Keep Busy Until Things Blow Over
Sometimes, when you give your boyfriend space, you just need to stay preoccupied with something else. Whether you like it or not, there will always be times when you need to give him space.
It’s a normal part of any relationship. During this time, make sure you do things that keep your mind and body busy, like going to the gym or taking a yoga class.
6. Offer Emotional Validation
According to Psychology Today, emotional validation is when you convey to your partner that you understand how they feel and acknowledge that they have every right to feel the way they do. While it does seem pointless to validate your partner’s emotions when they are already mad at you, really, it can help! It doesn’t usually make them more upset.
In fact, it shows that you feel empathetic to the situation and how they feel. Instead of making them more upset, this type of reaction can actually calm them down quite a bit.
If your boyfriend is mad at you over something, it’s worth trying, right? Just let him know he has every right to feel the way he does and that you understand what’s going on.
7. Don’t Gossip
While you may feel like it’s appropriate to tell your friends what’s going on, including every little detail, your boyfriend probably wishes that you would not share your personal information with others. If you are weighing your options, you may want to talk to a trusted friend, but don’t just use it as an excuse to unfairly badmouth your boyfriend.
8. Explain Your Side Of Things
Often, when you are in a relationship, you will find that disagreements just happen. Frequently, these disagreements are a result of a misunderstanding. Be sure to let your boyfriend know your point of view on the subject he is upset about, especially if you believe he is mistakenly angry over something that isn’t true.
9. Don’t Accuse Him Of Stuff
One surefire way to make things even worse is to backfire with something unrelated. For example, if your boyfriend is mad at you for flirting with another guy, it isn’t really fair of you to bring up that you think he cheated on you five years ago. For one, that is ancient history, most likely. For two, he’s upset with you for his own reasons – unrelated to that.
10. Watch Your Tone
Avoid being sarcastic or demeaning when you speak to your boyfriend about why you are upset. That can just further aggravate the situation. Instead, wait to talk to him until you are calmed down and ready to listen.
11. Don’t Raise Your Voice
Like watching your tone of voice, you don’t need to yell at him either. There’s a good chance if you raise your voice because he’s upset, he’ll do the same right back to you. This won’t get either of you anywhere because you’ll both just be yelling and angry.
12. Keep Your Emotions In Check
Make sure you stay fair and even-tempered with your man. The last thing you want to do is to say or do something you’ll regret in the future.
You may be right about certain things, and you have a right to express your feelings in your relationship, but you don’t have to have the last word with every argument. You don’t have to storm off and slam doors like a child. There’s no reason for you to act that way as an adult.
13. Be Empathetic
Show him that you want him to feel better by understanding his feelings on the subject. If he’s sad over something you said or did, don’t laugh at him or ignore his needs. Instead, let him know that you are there for him and apologize for any wrongdoing you did.
14. Listen To His Side
Don’t just hear what he has to say; really listen. That means that you don’t interrupt your boyfriend to talk about what you want; you hear what he says and offer useful feedback when he’s done – if and only if it seems relevant.
The key to being a good listener is maintaining eye contact, being open-minded while the other person talks, asking questions in an effort to understand him better, watching his body language, and summarizing what he’s said to show you have listened intently.
15. Try Not To Make Things Worse
One easy way to make things worse is to escalate the situation. Your relationship won’t survive if you try to always have a leg up on your man. Instead, view it as a partnership between two people, where you each have equal rights. Treat him with the same respect that you want to be treated.
16. Admit When You Are In The Wrong
Believe it or not, there will be times when you won’t have the right answers at the right time. You cannot always be right about everything. Make sure you are willing and able to see the merit in being wrong on occasion.
Give your boyfriend a boost of confidence by allowing him to have the upper hand every now and then. It’s only fair. Plus, it’ll do wonders for your relationship.
17. Offer Some Humor
Your man may be upset over something stupid and will quickly get over it. If that’s the case, you might want to try to make him smile or laugh to make him forget about the reasons he was upset.
18. Ask Him What He Needs
Sometimes, the easiest way to resolve an issue is to be direct. Let him know you messed up and are sorry, but would like to know if there is anything you can do right now to make things right in your relationship. You might be surprised by his answer. He may know exactly what you can do to make it up to him, and shockingly, it may not be sexual.
19. Explain How It Will Be In The Future
There’s no harm in admitting you were wrong and trying to explain how things will be different in the future. Just make sure you don’t make any promises you cannot keep. That could end up doing more harm than good if not fulfilled.
20. Show Him You Care And Love Him
Maybe you need to bake him some cookies to apologize or wait until he’s ready to talk to you about what happened. Keep in mind that every person is different and handles discord in unique ways. What works with your man? Tell him you love him and care deeply about him – regardless if you are right or wrong.
21. Consider Getting Professional Help
Couples counseling is often a great idea when arguing with your significant other. Find the right time and ask your boyfriend if he’d be willing to go with you to see a trained therapist or counselor to work through your issues. He may be more willing to share what’s going on with a stranger or third-party than he is with you.
You won’t really know until you ask him what his opinion on the subject is. Often, the damage that is done to relationships cannot be easily fixed. Couples counseling may prove to be very effective, especially when seen sooner rather than later. Many therapists can help couples learn to communicate better and give you insight.
Some counselors help you identify the feelings and concerns that are going on beneath the surface. If you feel like you are stuck, a therapist might be worth considering to help you work through your major issues