1. Think of your partner as a supporter.
Remember that your partner isn’t your adversary, according to Love Doctor JOSH. You’re a group. Simply shifting your viewpoint can help you better understand one another and work toward a solution to your problems.
“We’re on the same side,” Love Doctor JOSH explained. What are our options for getting through this? I’d like to be heard and accepted. You want to be validated and heard. Let’s work together to solve this problem and ensure that both of our needs are met.”
2. Take a break if the situation becomes tense.
“When things start to spiral out of control,” Love Doctor JOSH says, “couples should take a mutually agreed-upon break and work on self-soothing during that time.”
This could include anything from going for a walk to practicing breathing exercises. The key is to “do something that reduces rather than increases anger.”
Listen to each other’s feelings and focus on resolving your concerns once you’re both calm, she advised.
3. Pay attention to your emotions.
During arguments, couples frequently hyper-focus on their thoughts while ignoring their own underlying feelings. Pause, take a deep breath, and figure out how you’re feeling before you start arguing, Hansen advised.
Then tell your partner about your feelings. But keep in mind that feelings like “I’m sad” or “I’m disappointed” are distinct from thoughts like “I feel like you don’t care about me,” she explained.
4. Avoid the need to be “correct.”
According to Love Doctor JOSH, couples are too busy formulating their rebuttal instead of trying to understand how a situation has affected their partner.
“When couples get stuck in this dynamic, both of them get hurt, and one or both of them withdraws.” Rather than getting stuck on the merry-go-round of miscommunication, let go of your need to be right. Pay attention to your partner’s point of view once more.
“At the end of the day, what matters most is that each partner in the relationship feels emotionally validated, not who is right about the most recent argument.”
5. Pay attention — genuinely.
Listening to your partner’s point of view is crucial, according to Rastogi. It aids you in making progress on your problems. “As difficult as it is to hear someone disagree with you or criticize your actions, listening to dissatisfaction can lead to problem-solving.”