1. Don’t be available 24/7.
If you spend all your time apart from him with your phone in your clenched fingers, waiting for it to vibrate with his name, put the phone down. This isn’t ideal for either of you. Of course, you love talking to him, but you have to leave some energy for the rest of your life. Don’t be half-invested in a conversation with your friend because you’ve got one eye on the phone.
You don’t want to be too easily accessible. If you know that the second you message someone you’re going to have an instant response, doesn’t that answer lose a little value? Meanwhile, if you’re not 100% sure how quickly someone is going to reply, you don’t take it for granted when they do.
It’s okay to let him wonder what you’re up to occasionally. He doesn’t need to know exactly what you’re doing every second of the day. Leave a little room for mystery.
Now I just want to add, the best way to do this is to actually be busy with your life so much so that you’re not glued to your phone waiting for him to text, as opposed to pretending to have a full life when really you’re just sitting at home waiting for him to text and then not responding for a certain amount of time to make it seem like you’re busy with other things.
It’s about where you put your focus. If you focus on a lot of things, not just him and how he feels, then you will naturally be a little less accessible and hence, more intriguing.
2. Don’t always be the one to message first.
Speaking of phones, take a look at your message history with your crush. Do all of the chats begin with you sending the first message? If so, hold off contacting him. It’s OK to give him the space to take initiative. If he doesn’t, don’t be too bummed. It could be that he loves talking to you but has grown accustomed to you being the one to start things off.
When you stop messaging, you could end up not having any contact for a while. That’s okay. It might take him a minute to realize you’re not going to reach out. If he’s on the shy side, it could take a little extra time before he initiates. But if he likes you, he will kick things back up again.
3. Speak with your body.
As seductive as that sounds, we’re not talking strictly about the bedroom. (Although, don’t be shy about showing off your best moves in that area, either.) Our bodies communicate for us whether we’re aware of it or not. Sometimes we subconsciously pick up on the vibe someone is giving us without even realizing it. In most conversations, what we remember is not necessarily what the person said but how they made us feel.
Stay a step ahead by being aware of your body language. Lean in close when he talks. Maintain bold eye contact and hold his gaze for a couple seconds longer than a friend would. Let your eye wander to his lips. Trust us – he’ll notice.
When he makes a joke, use it as an excuse to laugh and touch his arm. Let your legs touch when you sit down next to him. All of these little details go farther than you’d think.
4. Open up to him.
Don’t spill your guts on a first date but be aware of the power of admitting something personal about yourself. There’s a reason that your best friend in the world is the one who knows the most intimate details about you. We bond over admitting our worries, dreams, and insecurities with others.
Once you’ve opened up to him, he’ll also feel more secure in doing the same with you. One person has to be the first to amp up the level of trust between the two of you, and it’s okay if that person is you.
Again, protect yourself. Don’t start off by sharing something you’d be horrified to have other people hear about. Just share something lightly intimate about yourself and watch his appreciation for your vulnerability.
5. Encourage him to spend time without you.
There’s nothing worse than a clinger who can’t handle you spending time on your own or with other people. A relationship with zero alone time is one that’s doomed to fail. It’s very appealing when a woman is secure enough to suggest a man have a guy’s night. He needs that male bonding time just like you need your girl time.
When you spend adequate time apart, it makes your time spent together that much sweeter. Having had a chance to miss each other, you really cherish whatever it is you’re doing, even if that’s just snuggling up and watching your favorite show.
Once you’re in a relationship, this part is especially crucial. Part of the learning curve of a new relationship is figuring out how much alone time each person needs. In most cases, there’s always going to be one person who needs more alone time than the other. Don’t take it personally if he’s the one that needs more introverted unwind time than you do.
6. Show interest in what he’s interested in.
When he talks about something that’s important to him, follow up with additional questions. Remember what he says. Even if it’s not an interest that you share, be willing to learn about it. Who knows, maybe it’ll end up becoming something you’re passionate about as well. If not, being receptive to it regardless will show him you care more about him than doing exactly what you want with every second of your day.
As an example, if he brings up his favorite band, ask him to show you what he thinks their best tracks are. Even if you’re a country-loving bumpkin, keep an open mind about his heavy-metal. If your relationship grows, you can show your devotion by surprising him with tickets to that excessively loud, long-hair-whipping band. Though you may be hiding earplugs, he’ll appreciate you tolerating the base pulsing through your chest.
This showing interest thing is a two-way street. Make sure you’re doing this for a guy who’s happy to do the same for you.