1. Avoid contacting your ex for a while.
Picking up the phone and texting your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend can be an overpowering instinct when you want to win them back or get back together. However, if you want to know how to win your ex back and keep it going in the long run, the answer is to distance yourself from them immediately after the breakup.
This is commonly referred to as the No Contact Rule, and it can be useful in reuniting former partners by allowing them to gain perspective on their relationship.
2. Evaluate your relationship
During the No Contact period, take some time to reflect and evaluate your relationship from a practical standpoint. Did you two have feelings for each other? Do you still have the same feelings about them? So, how about them? Was it a good relationship? Were you truly happy together? What caused you to split up?
Can you reconcile your differences? Will your ex make an effort to make things right in the end? Are you confident that you will be able to break the old patterns that contributed to the breakup?
When answering these questions, be truthful to yourself. Your responses will help you decide whether you want to win your ex back or not. If yes, you can start planning how to win your ex back after no contact. By asking yourself these questions, you’d inadvertently be answering “how to know if you should get back with your ex or not”.
If during the time off you realized what you really liked was the idea of the relationship and not necessarily your partner in their entirety, you’ve just answered the question for yourself
3. Improve yourself.
Take some time to work on yourself before reaching out to your ex and wanting to pick up where you left off. If the relationship didn’t work out the first time, you should have played a role in it. Weeding out those minor irritants is the key to regaining your ex for good. If you start over as the same people who couldn’t make it work the first time, you’ll get the same results.
This time, you’ll find yourself on the precipice of another battle or dispute that will end your relationship for good. Get to the bottom of your insecurities and resentments before making overtures to get your ex back, for example.
Your motivations must be sound if you hope to see the fruits of your labor. Don’t do it just to get your ex back; do it for the sake of improving yourself. If you’re seeking to answer the question, “Should you try to win your ex back?” the answer is basically no, if it means you’ll go back to the destructive behaviors that formerly injured your relationship to the point of breaking up.
4. Improve your self-esteem
According to Sammy, low self-esteem can be the root cause of many dangerous patterns that can endanger your relationships. “Low self-esteem could be the underlying trigger if you felt insecure in your relationship or operated from a place of jealousy the first time around.
“The best way to deal with it is to invest in self-care. Small lifestyle changes, such as staying active, practicing mindfulness, committing to a healthy diet, and getting enough sleep, can change how you see yourself and, as a result, how you behave in relationships,” he says.
If your partner was the one to call it quits, the breakup can further erode your sense of self. This emphasizes the importance of working on rebuilding your self-esteem before attempting to win your ex-girlfriend back or get your ex-boyfriend to go out with you again. Over time, you may realize that lack of confidence is one of the reasons you’re single.
When you are feeling low about yourself, you may believe that resuming a relationship with your ex is the only way to reclaim some self-worth, because a different person will give you the confidence boost. It is critical to understand that you should not seek confidence or validation from anyone other than yourself. If you say, “I miss my ex so much it hurts,” work on understanding why it hurts so much before attempting to win them back.
5. Pay attention to other aspects of your life.
Yes, we understand that you may be wondering how focusing on other aspects of life will help you win back your ex. It may not immediately lead you down the path of reconciling with your ex-partner, but it will keep you busy while you process your post-breakup emotions and figure out what you truly want.
Work, hobbies and passions, nurturing relationships with friends and family: do things that make you happy to avoid acting too quickly or rashly. Furthermore, this will aid in the development of your personality, making you a more well-rounded and desirable version of yourself.
When you make overtures to win them back, be someone they won’t be able to resist. When you focus on productively shifting your attention to things that will make you whole again, you will also be reclaiming any lost confidence or happiness. Can your ex say no to you if you’re radiant the next time they see you?
It may appear counterintuitive at first, but getting your ex back requires you to work on yourself before making any moves. So get those dumbbells out, or start working on more enjoyable projects.
6. Improve your physical appearance.
Is it really necessary to focus on your appearance in order to win back your ex-boyfriend or attract the attention of your ex-girlfriend? It may not bring your ex back to you, but it will certainly make them sit up and take notice. Perhaps they will see you in a different light.
Stacey claims she underwent a radical makeover following her heartbreaking breakup. Even though she was pining for her ex months after they had split up, she didn’t have the heart to contact him after being dumped. Then she shared a few photos from a trip she took with her girl gang.
Her ex reacted to her photos within minutes of her posting them, to say the least. He finally slid into her DMs after a few weeks of dropping likes by responding to an Instagram story. That provided her with the much-needed break she needed to rekindle her romance with her ex-boyfriend.
If you’ve already begun your post-breakup gym transformation, you’ve increased your chances of your ex returning to you. When those leg days finally pay off, you’ll have a text message from your ex before you can even respond to “should you try to win your ex back?”
7. Do not speak ill of your ex.
This is one of the most common blunders to avoid when trying to get your ex back. It’s natural to want to vent when you’re hurting after a breakup. However, doing so in front of mutual friends or on social media can seriously harm your chances of winning your ex back.
That is why it is best to keep your circle as small as possible. Instead of going to town with them, share your feelings – no matter how raw or unpleasant they are – with a few trusted friends. That way, if you decide to reconcile with them, words spoken in haste will not stand in your way.
We’d also advise you to take it easy on the booze. A couple of wine glasses may prompt you to text your ex, “I hate you.” Needless to say, you’ll be Googling “how to win someone back after hurting them” the next morning.
8. Do not appear desperate.
Reuniting with your ex may be the only thing on your mind, but don’t let that drive you to act in desperation. Inundating their phone with texts or making 2 a.m. drunken texts and calls pleading with them to take you back is a no-no.
Even if you’re curled up in bed thinking to yourself, “I want my ex back so bad it hurts,” that doesn’t mean you can call them right away. This is especially important if you want to win back your ex when they’re seeing someone else. Patrick wanted to rekindle his old relationship, but his ex had already returned to the dating scene. She was passing by and happened to notice someone New.
“Every one of my friends asked me the same question: how are you going to win back your ex-girlfriend when she appears to be moving on? Others might have thought I was crazy, but I was confident that my two years with her would carry more weight than a few weeks-old fling.