How to handle your woman when your relationship is falling apart.
Your wife can be dying in silence while still performing her wifely duties. You will need to be wise enough to know when she needs to be fixed.The truth is, when a woman is always moody, cries a lot, yells on children, can’t easily sleep or sleeps a lot, she may be battling with something you are not careful enough to see.
If you discover your wife is falling apart, watch out and fix the following:
1. Check if you are the problem. You might be her problem but out of her respect and love for you, she may not tell you. Ask, let her talk sincerely.
2. Be aware of her responsibilities. Get to know how her work load is killing her. Regardless of whether she stays at home or goes to work, do you know what she does all day? If you don’t, ask her. Her to-do list is probably overflowing with tasks that far outweighs her time and energy.
3. Be Appreciative. Be mindful of her needs and appreciative of her sacrifices. The work a woman does at home can be too common that nobody will appreciate her for them, this can be killing her. Appreciate your wife.
4. Get involved before she burns out. Don’t just be appreciative, but get involved. The best time to begin helping your wife is now. Don’t wait until she breaks down to offer a helping hand.
5. Get Machine. Yes, get her a machine. Sometimes giving your wife a washing machine or any other machine that reduces her burden may heal slot of sulking. (the ones you can afford). Dish washer, gas cooker, refrigerator, oven, laundering, blending Machine, etc
6. Be an active participant. Be totally involved at home, stop delegating parenting and family life. Don’t be a “visiting Professor”, but be an active partner in this business of your life. Always remember it takes two to parent a child. This issue of telling your children,” enda kwa mamako ( go to your mum) should stop. It takes two to make a marriage work. It takes two to run a household. Be fully involved in every aspect of your family life and children.
7. Hold her lovingly. Hold her like a lover and a friend. Place your hands on her shoulder, her laps, hold her hands, just hold her and let her feel your love through touch. unfortunately, to most African men, the last time they held the hand of their wives in public is when they were dating. After saying I DO, they forget that love language completely.
8. Just listen. Men are known to be good talkers but very bad listeners. At times what your wife needs is for you to just listen. Do not interrupt, let her unburden, let her talk. At least create some time from your busy schedule (30 minutes or more) to just listen to your wife. Sometimes the best way for a woman to reset is by getting all of her thoughts out. Let your wife talk through her feelings and problems. Show empathy. Listen carefully. Ask questions. Be fully engaged in the conversation.
9. Be a partner not a Teacher or Preacher.
Most men do fall into the “Teaching trap” . Pastors fall to the trap of preaching to their wives whenever they unload on them! Dear pastor, that’s not the right way to look for opportunities to minister! Don’t make your wife be afraid of talking you because you’ll tell her what Genesis or Hebrews says.. Remember at home you are a husband and not a preacher.
10. Give her hope. No matter what happens, don’t ever raise up your hands in surrender. Giving up, crying or weeping will hurt your wife more. Encourage her. Let her know what you love about her. Help her see the good in any situation. Avoid being critical or negative. When she has hit the rock bottom, be the man who lifts her up, and brings light and hope back into her life.
11. Be sensitive. Get to know her mood, get to know her needs, get to know what is needed to be done at home and do them without prompting.
Learn the art of looking around the house and finding things that need to get done. Are there dishes in the sink? What is broken that needs to be fixed? Don’t wait to be asked. Just do it.
12. Pray for her. Remember there’s a difference between preaching to your wife and taking your time off to pray for her. Hold her into your loving arms and just hand her over to her maker in sweet whispering prayers in her ears. Remember your voice must be tender when praying for her always..Sometimes women hear the tone of your voice in what you say than your words. Even the bible says we should be tender hearted. Do the same to your wife when praying for her. As you pray for her, let God know what you appreciate about her. Ask for his help. Ask him to tell you how you can be a better spouse to her. Ask him to comfort her and help her see herself as He see her.
13. Pray with her. Let your wife be celebrated. Celebrate her in secret and in public. When in church and couples are speaking, take some time to celebrate her infront of people.Talk about her beauty, motherhood, wife hood, support, thoughtfulness and how blessed you feel you’re,to have married her.She needs it and this is more of a marriage healer than many counseling sessions. This will make her day. I have said enough.
14. Ask her how you can be of help. Your wife knows what you can do to help her reset, so just ask her. She will open up to you, it may not be what you think, so don’t speculate, ask, She’ll appreciate it more than you will ever know.
15. Help around the house. Give a helping hand around the house. Give her a kitchen holiday for some days, do all the cooking or hire somebody to do it for you. Let her just sit, eat and rest, this may be all she needs.
16. Take her out. Take her out, eat out, go to the cinema together. Check for Christian movies and watch together. Follow her and just go to wherever she will love to go, not where you want, just follow her.
17. Allow her to cry, If she must. Don’t use those insensitive statements on her whenever you see her cry. Statements like, Wacha kulialia Kama mtoto.. “Stop crying, are you a baby?, will you be crying about this little things?” This is what most husbands who lack understanding will do when their wives cry but those what an insensitive word. If she feels like crying, hold her to yourself and let her do the crying while you pat her on the back. It’s a great way to fix the problem.
18. Let her go on holiday. Allow her to go on holiday all alone to herself, this can fix the problem as she returns with greater energy.